One of the things that drew me to working with horses was the potential for growth, and transformation.
I love watching training videos of horses who are getting a fresh start after having been rescued, or young
horses getting their foundational training, and seeing them grasp the concepts being taught. For me, there
is nothing like seeing the transformation from the before, to the after.
The same can be said of people as well. Interacting with horses changes us, hopefully for the better, and
hopefully, our relationship with our horses also changes them for the better.
But, what if your relationship with your horse hasn’t been going so well? What if he’s pushy? Mouthy, or
nippy? Or a multitude of other bad habits that our horses pick up. Do you just continue with a
relationship that you aren’t really happy with, and settle for: “I survived the ride”, or “We finally got him
loaded”, “he almost bit me”, or “At least I didn’t get kicked this time.”
Are You Willing To Settle?
For me, the answer is no. I’m not willing to put myself in danger with horses that are either too much for
me or that I’m not in a place to teach a foundation in ground manners. I want the horses I interact with to
be respectful of my personal space and to know how to behave on a lead, and under saddle. As horse
people we may be slight adrenaline junkies, however, I haven’t ever heard of someone whose 1200-pound
animal became a kite on a windy day and said, “I really can’t wait to experience that again!” Unless you’re a
jumper, most of us prefer our horses keep all four hooves on the ground when we’re with them. But even
jumpers prefer their horses stay grounded when they aren’t in the jumping arena, or on the eventing
course.
How To Improve The Relationship
One of my favorite quotes from Clinton Anderson on this topic is this, “To first change your horse, you must
first change yourself.” In a sense you need to spend some time reflecting on how you may be contributing
to the situations you encounter with your horse. Do you know how to read your horse’s body language? Are
you being the assertive leader your horse needs, or does your horse feel like he can’t trust you, and feels
like he has to become the leader? Do you know your horse’s “oh no!” spots, and have you worked with your
horse to desensitize him?
For some, learning new skills and training techniques on their own makes a big difference in their
relationship with their horse. For others, especially those new to horses, or those who ended up with a
horse that is too much for them, learning new techniques on your own may not be enough. This is when it
is best to involve a professional in your training, someone who can teach your horse new habits, and teach
you how to interact with your horse to get the best result possible.
It’s Just Not A Good Fit
If you have gotten training for your horse, and yourself, and you still find yourself having a difficult time
with your horse it may be time to find a horse that is a better fit for you. It’s going to be a difficult decision
because we all have emotions, and we get very attached to our horses, but we need to remind ourselves of
a few things.
1 – Safety is extremely important! If a horse is too much for you, even a well-trained horse, it’s not worth the
risk of potential injury.
2 – If a horse is bred or trained for a sport like barrel racing, and you want him to be a jumper, he’s not going
to be happy in his job. To pull out another Clinton Anderson quote, “Horses for courses, and people for
horses.” First, you need to find a horse in the discipline you’re going to be riding him in, and with that, you
need to find a horse that meets the basis of your current skill set. Having a little room to learn, and grow
with a horse that can push you beyond your present limits is a good thing, as long as it’s within moderation.
3 – Some personality combinations just don’t work. You and your horse just might not click,
and it’s okay to find a horse that you feel like you connect better with. Your horse could be better with
children, or a more assertive rider, or any other combination of different people.
Take Some Time To Reflect
Ultimately I hope that everyone reading this has a wonderful relationship with their horses, but a fact of life
is that most of us have things we need to work through. Those are our opportunities for growth, and
transformation, to see the before and after. It’s not a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean there is anything
wrong with us, or our horses. It just means we have room to grow, and change, which to me is a beautiful
thing.
Leave us a comment on ways you’ve seen growth and transformation in your relationship with your horse!
